Event: How I arrived at “The Change I Want to See ”
Description: In the process of this self-study, in the beginning, I didn’t have anything I wanted to change. The failure of project 4 (the illusion of love) hit me a little. I don’t know how to proceed. During this period of learning, I have been in a state of depression and anxiety for a long time. Even something unexpected happened to me, and some of my past memories were stolen. I successfully experienced the feeling of failure and confusion we Unit1 learned again. Occasionally, some friends ask me to go out for a walk to change my mood. If it weren’t for them, I might have been in a depressed state all the time, but it was this mood that inspired me.
Feelings: Of course, this period of time will be very uncomfortable. After all, feeling depressed is a painful state, but I thank Richard for his encouragement. He told me that it is normal to feel difficult for the first time. If I feel difficult, it means I am thinking. But over time, I slowly explored and found a direction in the depression and repression. I also tried to look back and move on as Zuleika said in class and look again at the past thinking.
Evaluation: For this immersive experience of learning, I have more understood that I should learn to be patient with my own projects, not too anxious, and have a correct attitude and cognition. The strange thing is that sometimes the more I want to do something, the more I can not do it. Maybe the path of everyone is different. Some people will walk fast and others will walk slowly. But some roads can only be taken by themselves, not to mention those few people take. Sometimes the change may really be just a little, but we should take that step bravely.
Interpretation: The most important thing about this project to these three aspects: subject field, stakeholders, and change itself. And I also need evidence and theory to support my point of view. I stay at the level of imagination in project 4. For the illusion of love, I have specifically thought about the type of love I loved, the groups I connected with, and the impact of my past experience on me now. I slowly determined that my discipline scope is in these. Then I think about the people I pay attention to and look at some previous news events. I make my group clear on campus, especially among college students.
Theory: Freud was the first person to come up with the term sexual repression. Freud believes that sexual repression is the price humans have to pay for civilization. (Freud, 1905) And Foucault also pointed out, “sex has never ceased to excite debate. These sexual discourses never grow out of or in opposition to power, but within and as means of power. (Foucault, 1989) Li Yinhe argued that there has never been complete sexual freedom in human society. People’s sexual impulses always have to be repressed in various ways. (Li Yinhe, 2014)
Reflection: As far as I am concerned, sexual repression was a new part of Freud. For Freud, I learned newly about sexual repression. This term is really closely associated with my interests. For Foucault, I mostly agree with him that we live under the power of social rules but we have to attempt to against them. Li Yinhe gave me a lot of different views on the relationship between sexual repression and freedom, especially in Chinese society. Later, I realized that I need to find more evidence of it. I suddenly considered that my previous understanding of some history and background was not comprehensive enough.
Conclusion: Having learned some different theories and views of sexual repression I now notice that it is a new change and sublimation to my project. It was this depressing time that inspired me and gave me a lot of time to think. I have sufficiently developed my box of uncertainties in a new field. This research could not be totally abundant in my project because it still needs other materials to support it. However, it is provided me a novel direction on the change.
Action plan: After then, Try to discover the feasibility and prospectiveness of the study and reduce its limitations of the study. And timely modify and adjust their own research content and evidence.